Grave (Royal Devils MC Chicago Book 1) Read online

  “I—”

  “No. Don’t you fuckin’ say sorry, Silla. You might have more kills under your belt than I do, but trust me when I say this, I don’t need your help.” I stand from my seat and walk away from her not knowing what else to do. I storm inside, ignoring the club whores who try to stop me on my way to my room. It’s only Psycho who causes me to halt.

  “What are you so pissed about?” he asks.

  “I don’t know, brother. Shit’s just out of control.”

  “It’s her, isn’t it?” I nod my head, knowing I can’t keep a secret from him of all people. I can’t give him the part about my dad, not now anyway but I can about Silla. “Come on.” I follow behind him as he leads me into his room. I haven’t been in here in years. Clown masks, scary looking Halloween masks and posters of the devil in flames and skulls line the walls.

  “You changed it up in here,” I tell him, looking around the room.

  “Changes with my mood. We ain’t here to talk about my taste in décor, Grave.”

  “She’s fuckin’ with my head, Psycho. I want her gone but then I don’t wanna let her go. What the fuck do I do with that?”

  “Why is she gettin’ in your head so badly?” he asks, grabbing a joint and lighting it up. He moves to sit on the couch and motions for me to follow. I drop down next to him and he passes me the joint. I bring it to my lips and inhale before passing it back.

  “I don’t know. You know what she is, yeah?” He nods. “I think she’s just used to bein’ on top and in charge.”

  “You never had a strong woman like her, Grave. Most of the whores around here just throw themselves at you and that’s that. They don’t have a fuckin’ backbone. Silla does. She has more than that.” Fuck, he’s probably right.

  “I don’t know, Psycho. I just fuckin’ need to be in charge of my shit right now, you know?”

  “Then tell her that. Don’t fuck around and lose somethin’ good, brother. Nothin’ in this life is worth losin’ somethin’ good.”

  Chapter Twenty

  I found her sleeping in my bed a few hours ago. I couldn’t sleep, so I sit in the corner watching her. I feel like a goddamn stalker, but I also feel like shit for the way I treated her. I inhale the nicotine into my lungs, trying to calm all the rage I feel. It isn’t toward her. None of it really is. I feel cheated. Out of life. Out death. Out of all of it.

  When I died, I thought that was it. Everything slowly faded away and then there was nothing. There was nothing there for me. Nothing in death. Then to come back to this? To a woman who seems to care about me but has her own shit to do? She has her own life and I can’t see asking her to leave it. She wouldn’t want that.

  “How do you know what she wants?” I look up to see Silla staring back at me with those dark eyes.

  “What?”

  “You said she wouldn’t want that.”

  “I said that out loud, huh?” She smiles softly, and fuck, is that a kick to the chest.

  “You did.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my shit on you the way I did. I just need to handle shit my way. This is my life; it always will be.”

  “Even if I leave, I get it, you know? I overstepped and I shouldn’t have.”

  “It’s not even that. Fuck, Silla. You’re strong, stronger than anyone else I’ve ever met. I’m not used to havin’ an equal.” Damn, telling her truth makes me sound like the biggest asshole alive.

  “Not many men know how to handle me. I’ve always been this way and I can’t change. I think that’s why I’ve never really been in a relationship,” she says as she shoves herself up the bed and leans against the headboard.

  “Never?” She shakes her head. “Well shit. I’m not makin’ a good impression either, am I?” With that she laughs.

  “You are. I understand your need to handle this stuff. I thought I was helping.”

  “You are helpin’.”

  “I’ll stop.” I shake my head and run my hand through my hair before snuffing out my cigarette.

  “It’s not that. I don’t want you to change who you are.”

  “I know, Grave. You don’t need to explain that to me. You want me to step back on this stuff.” She doesn’t get it and fuck me, neither do I.

  “I want you by my side.” Her eyes shoot to mine as I stand from the chair, not sure what I’m doing or if it’s even the right thing to be doing. I’m confused, pissed.

  “What?”

  “I don’t want you to go after this is over. I want you here with me. I want you by my side.” Silla’s eyes fill with tears as she climbs off the bed and runs straight into my arms.

  “I’m not good at this stuff, Grave,” she whispers into my chest.

  “Apparently, I’m not either but the only killin’ I want you doin’ is whatever we need around here. There is no goin’ back, Silla.” She pulls back and looks up at me before smiling.

  “A home.”

  “What?”

  “A home. You’re giving me a home. A place I belong. For so many years my dad just used me to his advantage but you, you’re different. You’re giving me a home, Grave. I’ve never had one.” Her words wrap around my heart and hold tightly. I lean down and kiss her roughly, showing her who she belongs to. She wants a home; I’ll make this club her home. I’ll give her whatever the fuck she wants, as long as she keeps kissing me like this. When she finally pulls away, she gazes up at me.

  “I need to talk to Psycho.”

  “The fuck you do.”

  “I mean it. We need to be on good terms, and I don’t feel like we are.”

  “And Preacher and Freak?” I raise an eyebrow.

  “We had a chat last night you ran off. We’re all good.”

  “Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?” She shakes her head and smiles.

  “No. They were all willing to accept me as their boss bitch.” Laughter erupts out of me as she presses a kiss to my chest.

  “Fine. You can talk to him, but I’ll tell you this, he said you’re good for me,” I tell her.

  “He did? Obviously, he’s smarter than we thought,” she laughs.

  “Psycho is a lot of things. Smart is one of them. His IQ was sky fuckin’ high back in the day. Life gets him down and kicks him a lot. I hate seein’ him like that.”

  “I wasn’t kidding about the doctor. We can get him back on his medicine. It’s just going to take some time to work around my dad.”

  “I know, babe. I appreciate that too. With Reggie dead, I need to find a new doc for around here, anyway. One who can keep up with Psycho and his meds,” I tell her.

  “We will.”

  “We. I like that, Silla. I like that a lot.”

  “Me too. Thanks for caring, Grave.”

  “Carin’ is the easy part. It’s lovin’ you that’s gonna be hard as hell,” I tease her. Her head snaps back so she can look up at me, tears filling those big brown eyes once more. I reach up and brush her hair over her shoulders.

  “You…”

  “I’m feelin’ it, darlin’. I don’t know what to do with it. If I’m honest here, I’ve never loved anyone aside from my mom and this club. You are workin’ your way in though and I’m not sure how to handle that,” I admit to her.

  “I think you just handled it perfectly. Communication, Grave. Just tell me what you feel, what you think. That’s all I need,” she says, wiping at her eyes.

  “That’s all, huh?” I pull her closer and thrust my hips into her. She laughs and damn, I love her laugh.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I crack my neck from side to side as I watch Preacher in the ring. It’s a Saturday night and we are hosting a fight night so to speak. We get together with some of our friendlies and have a good ass time.

  “He’s good,” Silla says, hollering over the crowd of screaming men.

  “He is. Not better than me,” I tell her. She smiles up at me just as Preacher throws another jab. Shady, the man he’s fighting, stumbles back before falling to his ass.
The crowd roars with excitement. Blood coats the mat but it isn’t Preacher’s. I find myself wishing it was Cash’s. Wishing this fight was ours and I could end his worthless life already. I don’t notice Freak standing in front of me until he slowly smirks.

  “You want it? That how you want it to go down? You know if you challenge him here and now, he can’t say no.” He reminds me of the rules. My insides clench. It would prove my point. It would make everyone here see what a piece of shit he is. Every club in this area that we are good with are here. I swallow hard as I glance around the crowd. I could take him. I know I could but here? Now?

  “What are you thinking?” Silla asks, pulling me from my thoughts. I look over at her while listening to Freak laugh.

  “Challenge him here and now. He can’t say no,” I tell her. Her eyes widen slightly before a small smile pulls across her face.

  “You ready for that? Ready to step up?” I stare at her for a long second, letting all of that sink in. Am I? I’ve made all the moves I needed to make. I have the runs set up for the other chapters. I have my plans in place. Why isn’t now as good of time as any?

  “Goddamn right I’m ready. The question is, are you?” Her eyes hold mine before she leaps into my arms and kisses me.

  “I was born ready,” she says against my lips. Kissing her roughly, I hold her body close to mine. When we break apart, I look over and give Freak a nod. His eyes narrow before a cynical smirk crosses his face. He turns to head off to find Cash as I focus back on Silla.

  “This isn’t gonna be easy. You need to be calm when I’m in there.”

  “Me? Calm? When have I not be calm?” she teases.

  “I mean it. Shit’s gonna get bad, Silla. You ready for the aftermath of what’s about to happen?” I’m being serious. Not all the members are on board with me. They don’t like me. They know I’m younger and whatever shit Cash has filled their heads with? Yeah, this isn’t going to be easy at all.

  “You wanted me by your side, right?” she asks, looking up at me with so much admiration I nearly choke. She barely knows me, but she does. She sees me.

  “Goddamn right I do.”

  “Then don’t worry. We will handle things as they come. You’re going to be making the rules after this, Grave, not him. Whatever we have to do, we will do it.”

  “How did I get so lucky?”

  “You didn’t. I can be a real bitch,” she adds with a smile that could bring any man to his knees.

  “I haven’t seen that part, but I look forward to it.” We both laugh when I hear Cash’s voice.

  “Seems we have a challenge here tonight, boys!” he roars from the center of the ring. Our smiles fade quickly as I straighten my back and turn toward him. His eyes find mine quickly, motioning for me to come to the front. I grab Silla’s hand and watch as the crowd parts for us. This right here is going to be a defining moment for this club. For me. For my brothers.

  “My son, Grave, has made mention he’d like to challenge me here and now. Tonight,” Cash says loudly. The crowd is dead silent apart from a few gasps, a few chuckles, and of course the older guys laughing like it’s a joke. The smile on Cash’s face just adds to the fury I feel inside. Silla’s hand tightens around mine, reassuring me she’s on my side.

  “You sure about this?” Psycho appears out of nowhere.

  “Goddamn right I am.”

  “If shit ends wrong, I’m killin’ him, Grave.” The serious tone in his voice sends a chill down my spine. I’ve always known Psycho would have my back no matter what was happening or what condition his mind was in. This just shows me how much more I want this.

  “I know, brother. I know. Look at me, man.” The crowd has picked back up around us when I grab Psycho around the back of the neck and pull him closer to me. I pull my other hand free from Silla’s and place it on his chest.

  “You’re my best friend. You have been since we shit in diapers and learned what a pussy was. I don’t care what happens here tonight, nothin’ changes. You will always be my boy, Psycho. You get me?” I need to reassure him that shit doesn’t change for us. Whether I win this fight, or I lose my ass trying, he’s still my brother in every sense of the word.

  “I know, Grave. You’re my brother, man. He isn’t my prez though. Never has been.”

  “I know and we’re gonna fix that, yeah?” The slow smile curving his lips tells me all I need to know. He’s all-in. I nod my head, and he does the same, as I release the grip I have on him. Sliding the cut down my arms, I pass it to Silla watching as she slides her arms into it.

  “Fuck, I need to fuck you in that later,” I tell her as I take her in. Damn, she is perfect. Pulling my shirt over my head, I toss it at Psycho. He smirks and shakes his head as I empty my pockets into Silla’s waiting hands. When I’m finally ready, I turn and jump into the bullshit ring we have. Rolling my shoulders, I glance around as the crowd goes insane. I take a few deep breaths when Cash turns to face me. He walks over as if this is just an ordinary day for him. Bastard.

  “You never brought this up before now,” he says with a half-smirk on his face. I’m so ready to punch it off.

  “You had to have known, Cash. You killed me,” I remind him as I tilt my head to the side and smile.

  “You’ll never get this president patch. You ain’t my kid,” he hisses in my face, but I remain calm and under control.

  “Am I not?”

  “I know your momma had to tell you as much.”

  “She did. Then the proof just disappeared into thin air. Imagine that shit?” His chest rises and falls rapidly as I watch him. He is pissed. Or maybe that’s an understatement.

  “You think you’ll get away with that shit? You’ll have to come clean at some point.”

  “Do I? There were only four people who knew. One is dead, one is in hidin’ and the other two are standin’ here face-to-fuckin’-face. I think I played my cards just right. Don’t you, Dad?” His nostrils flare, his hands clench and the vein in his neck pulses. I know he’s ready to end me, but he doesn’t realize the feeling is mutual.

  “This time there won’t be any comin’ back, Grave. Your name will be your restin’ spot.”

  “Thought that was the last time. Didn’t work out as planned then and it sure as shit won’t work out this time. You marked yourself for death when you pulled that gun on me,” I hiss.

  “You’re right about one thing. I fucked up last time. I should have shot your punk ass in the head.”

  “Why’d you do it, anyway?” His face slowly calms before he shrugs his shoulders.

  “I wanted your momma back in the club. For personal reasons,” he says, grabbing his cock. “She refused. I reminded her that you weren’t my bastard to take care of anymore. Thank her for your scars.” When the words leave his mouth, that’s all it takes. I throw the first punch, landing it on his jaw. His head snaps back before the show begins.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  We’re both weak. Exhausted. This fight has gone on for a while longer than I thought it would, but it’s been one hell of a ride. Neither of us is willing to break. Neither willing to back down. Sweat mixed with blood trickles down my temples as I breathe heavily. Cash moves in, throwing a punch I block. Keeping my hands up, I see the weakness in his eyes, and it makes me smirk.

  “Come on, Dad. That all you got?” I instigate. I want him to come for me. Hearing Silla calling my name, and Psycho telling me I can do this, I feel a new sense of power overtake me. I roll my shoulders a little when he roars and lunges. He doesn’t get far. I throw a right hook that lands on his temple. He stumbles and falls to his knees as the crowd screams. I’ve never felt the amount of adrenaline that I do right now. It courses through my veins like a wildfire ready to demolish anything in its path. Cash is unsteady on his knees, trying to drag himself to his feet but he fails. When he collapses to the floor, I reach down and drag him back up.

  “You shot me. You killed me and now you will die like the piece of shit you are!” I roar as his bo
dy sways in front of me. Then he does it. He smirks at me like he won. Anger, rage, fury, it all builds up inside of me as I pull my fist back. Landing on his temple, I see his eyes roll back. It’s almost as if it’s all in slow motion. Just like that night. His body slowly falls to the mat but all I can see is myself falling to the floor in a pool of blood. I’m stunned, watching as if it was me and not him. Screams rip through the crowd. People leap into the ring. Hands pull me back, but I don’t see who it is. I’m lost in a world that should be my past and yet, here I am, as fucked as ever.

  “Grave!” I hear my name being called but the visions are overwhelming me. When I finally shake myself out of it, I jerk out of Preacher’s arms and storm back into the ring. Letting out a roar that causes everyone to stop in their tracks, I suck much needed air into my lungs.

  “This was a long time comin’! Members of this club, whether they want to admit it or not, know this piece of shit tried to send me to my grave not long ago. Now it’s his time! He has run this club into the ground. He has made us lose focus of what’s important. Brotherhood has never been as important as it is now! We have to get back to the foundation of what this club was built on. All roles will stay the same within the club.” Preacher walks up into the ring next to me. I watch as he takes Cash’s cut from one of the other guys and rips the president patch off. He strolls toward me, a fierce look in his eyes.

  “As VP of this club, it gives me great honor to pass this patch to you. Not only do I see better things in the future, I see a better club in the future. One that holds all its brother’s in higher regard than it has been. One that gets back to the gritty foundation on which we were all patched. Congratulations, brother.” Preacher presses the patch into my hand before pulling me into a hug. “You earned this shit long ago.” Nodding my head, I pull back and look around at the stunned crowd before me.

  “With that bein’ said, anyone who wants to walk, now is the time to drop your cut at the motherfuckin’ door!” Everyone roars and cheers as a few of the older members pull their cuts off. One glance at Psycho and he’s all smiles, ready to play his part in this club. The older members all look to him, knowing why he was voted in as the enforcer even at such a young age. They knew he was unhinged and had a thirst for blood. We all watch as he moves toward the blowtorch, pulling it out into the yard. Silla moves to climb into the ring, taking her place at my side.